Why forgive? The reason that we should forgive because if we do not it will manifest itself in our mind, causing us to become bitter and miserable and not getting the things that we want in our lives.. It is fine to forgive someone that has done you wrong but in order to completely heal we must also forgive ourselves. We have been conditioned to punish when someone does wrong but how is that going to help us if we always have that in our minds. It will not help us in any way, shape or form. As mentioned we have to forgive twice ,the person who has wronged you and yourself. The way to forgiveness is to use guided visualization as well as the loving kindness Metta. That way you can start to heal. The way that I would do this is at first is to do it step by step in little segments because it might be hard to forgive someone right away. It might take a few tries. The very first step is to have your client lie or sit down in a comfortable position. Then I would have them close their eyes and have them take in slowly some deep breathes in through the nose and out through the nose. I would then have them visualize a beautiful place that they would love to visit or take them to a place where they can enjoy. This is the very first step. Next session again I would go through the same scenario but this time have them think about the person who has wronged them, maybe have them think about some fun times you had with this person, the third step is to have them focus on why this has happened. And slowly get them to the point of forgiving them. This might take a few sessions. You can also use phrases such as May such and such person be happy. The next segment is forgiving yourself. A lot of people might feel terrible that all this had to happen and they might feel guilty at first because friendship might have been lost and that it had to come to this point. I would again help them to relax and get them to the point by acknowledging that there is nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening. You must change your thought with loving kindness such as thinking about something that you love about yourself, it does not have to be large it could be a very small thing. Focus on as it will make you happy. If you cannot find something at this moment anything that you like about your self that is okay. Focus on being aware that you want to be happy with such a phrase as May I be happy or I want to be happy then overtime it will be so much easier to forgive yourself and not be a victim anymore. Not being able to forgive someone can be such a burden on yourself you could have been working on things that can make you happy and satisfied with life such as the law of attraction in getting what you want out of life. The law of attraction will not work if you cannot forgive yourself or the other person. This is why the loving kindness Metta comes in handy. You just have to declutter your mind before the law of attraction can work.
Written by Mary Risman of Inside Out Holistic Therapies